You have to read 'doubt' first for this to make sense or not.
I just walked through some doubts, in case you wondered. Like going through a desert, dry and dusty with no roadsigns. I think I am out of this desert of doubt for awhile. I have learned a lot. Boy, do I need it.
Step by step.....
Showing posts with label walking by faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label walking by faith. Show all posts
Saturday, May 2, 2009
doubt
I watched the movie 'Doubt' late last night and it kind of blew my mind. I mean, there I was, contently watching some boring movie, a little bit sleepy cause it was after 10pm, and then BOOM! I got hit smackdab in the face with a look inside my own soul. If you´ve never seen the movie, maybe you should give it a try, but not really late at night, unless you are a night owl. Then, by all means stay up late.
In the final scene there are two Catholic sisters sitting outside in the snow on a cold day. The older sister, the principal who seems to have a tight grasp on everything is just sitting there trying to keep it all together when the young sister prods deeply into her soul. Finally she cracks. She admits she has doubts too.
Here she is, older Catholic sister who has lived a great deal, seen a lot in the Catholic school where she has been principal for decades, and then she makes the great confession, that she too has doubts sometimes.
This hit me so hard cause I have doubts and so often I live and exist like I dont. You know, I am a missionary, guy who's been serving all his adult life in ministry. I am not supposed to have doubts, right? I have it all together. If you think that sit down with my son, daugther or wife. If you sit down and talk to my wife I have to be in the room, she has too much dirt on me.
We all have doubts right? We wonder about what we've been taught as a child when we go off to college and hear so many new and crazy ideas and philosophies. We question God in the middle of trials as we sit by a hospital bed or a grave. We wonder,'Does He care? Why doesn't God do something? Why doesn't He answer me?'
We have doubts when our spouse walks out the door after years of faithfulness. We have doubts when our son or daughter does the unthinkable or falls into such a deep pit of darkness we can only pray. Doubts....they are there whether we acknowledge them or not. Dark clouds that hang like a thick smoke in the small space of our minds. Hey, my mind is small, dont know about you.
Doubts, what do we do with them? How do we live today with them? How do we go to work with them? How do we love God in the midst of doubts, in the middle of questioning times?
I read a book once that said this about doubt, or faith,
'Sometimes faith is walking in darkness and simply refusing to quit. Sometimes faith is just hanging on. The character of the faith that allows us to be transformed by suffering and darkness is not doubt free certainty, rather it is tenacious obedience.' John Ortberg
Sometimes I talk heresy and say I am not very gifted or dont have many talents. In these times I tell my friends something cheesy like,'I'm not the most gifted guy around. There's a lot of things I don't know how to do, but I do know how to keep going. I just get going, step by step.' Maybe that's what tenacious obedience is. It works for me, cause I have my doubts, more than once in awhile. But I walk, sometimes very small steps, barely picking up my feet. Step by step by step.
Doubt is not the enemy. The enemy is the enemy. Doubt is a companion that can draw us nearer to the bosom of God the Father, if we allow it to do just that. When we question and wonder if we seek, something will happen.....what? That's up to the Father and His creation, you.
In the final scene there are two Catholic sisters sitting outside in the snow on a cold day. The older sister, the principal who seems to have a tight grasp on everything is just sitting there trying to keep it all together when the young sister prods deeply into her soul. Finally she cracks. She admits she has doubts too.
Here she is, older Catholic sister who has lived a great deal, seen a lot in the Catholic school where she has been principal for decades, and then she makes the great confession, that she too has doubts sometimes.
This hit me so hard cause I have doubts and so often I live and exist like I dont. You know, I am a missionary, guy who's been serving all his adult life in ministry. I am not supposed to have doubts, right? I have it all together. If you think that sit down with my son, daugther or wife. If you sit down and talk to my wife I have to be in the room, she has too much dirt on me.
We all have doubts right? We wonder about what we've been taught as a child when we go off to college and hear so many new and crazy ideas and philosophies. We question God in the middle of trials as we sit by a hospital bed or a grave. We wonder,'Does He care? Why doesn't God do something? Why doesn't He answer me?'
We have doubts when our spouse walks out the door after years of faithfulness. We have doubts when our son or daughter does the unthinkable or falls into such a deep pit of darkness we can only pray. Doubts....they are there whether we acknowledge them or not. Dark clouds that hang like a thick smoke in the small space of our minds. Hey, my mind is small, dont know about you.
Doubts, what do we do with them? How do we live today with them? How do we go to work with them? How do we love God in the midst of doubts, in the middle of questioning times?
I read a book once that said this about doubt, or faith,
'Sometimes faith is walking in darkness and simply refusing to quit. Sometimes faith is just hanging on. The character of the faith that allows us to be transformed by suffering and darkness is not doubt free certainty, rather it is tenacious obedience.' John Ortberg
Sometimes I talk heresy and say I am not very gifted or dont have many talents. In these times I tell my friends something cheesy like,'I'm not the most gifted guy around. There's a lot of things I don't know how to do, but I do know how to keep going. I just get going, step by step.' Maybe that's what tenacious obedience is. It works for me, cause I have my doubts, more than once in awhile. But I walk, sometimes very small steps, barely picking up my feet. Step by step by step.
Doubt is not the enemy. The enemy is the enemy. Doubt is a companion that can draw us nearer to the bosom of God the Father, if we allow it to do just that. When we question and wonder if we seek, something will happen.....what? That's up to the Father and His creation, you.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Fear, drugs, and pigs...continued 3
Okay, I'm on a roll and since I have time here goes another one.
A few years ago when the SARS epidemic was going on in China there was a trip planned by a group to go there. One of the guys going was a friend of our son, Nick Neely. Nick had been before to China and was ready to go back for another dose. Well, because of the SARS deal the group decided to cancel the trip for safety's sake. You can't blame them for that because most likely several parents were worried and concerned. Maybe some of the college kids had already dropped out before the final decision. I´m not sure. Those in charge have to make decisions sometimes that are tough calls for the good of the group.
Well, Nick decided he was going to go anyway. He had a heart for the people there and felt this was something he must do. Even amidst the SARS deal and his whole group backing out, Nick made up his mind to go to China and serve there for several weeks.
What do you call that? Stupidity, loco, insanity, foolishness, careless, faith, stubborn, bull headed.....? Or what?
Call it what you want but it takes faith to do something you feel led, maybe called to do, when everyone else around you says 'no' or 'don't go'. It takes a bit of intestinal fortitude that is uncommon in the realm of Christianity today. It requires grit.
I think Nick may be going to Uguanda this summer. He's been there once for a term of 3 months or so, and now he says it´s time to go back. I wonder how life is in Uguanda these days?
Say a prayer for Nick and his adventure to Uguanda. While you're there see if God can send us a few more like him, we could use them.
Oh yeah, Nick said it was not nearly as bad in China as the media said it was. Overkill, is that the right word?
A few years ago when the SARS epidemic was going on in China there was a trip planned by a group to go there. One of the guys going was a friend of our son, Nick Neely. Nick had been before to China and was ready to go back for another dose. Well, because of the SARS deal the group decided to cancel the trip for safety's sake. You can't blame them for that because most likely several parents were worried and concerned. Maybe some of the college kids had already dropped out before the final decision. I´m not sure. Those in charge have to make decisions sometimes that are tough calls for the good of the group.
Well, Nick decided he was going to go anyway. He had a heart for the people there and felt this was something he must do. Even amidst the SARS deal and his whole group backing out, Nick made up his mind to go to China and serve there for several weeks.
What do you call that? Stupidity, loco, insanity, foolishness, careless, faith, stubborn, bull headed.....? Or what?
Call it what you want but it takes faith to do something you feel led, maybe called to do, when everyone else around you says 'no' or 'don't go'. It takes a bit of intestinal fortitude that is uncommon in the realm of Christianity today. It requires grit.
I think Nick may be going to Uguanda this summer. He's been there once for a term of 3 months or so, and now he says it´s time to go back. I wonder how life is in Uguanda these days?
Say a prayer for Nick and his adventure to Uguanda. While you're there see if God can send us a few more like him, we could use them.
Oh yeah, Nick said it was not nearly as bad in China as the media said it was. Overkill, is that the right word?
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Fear, drugs, and pigs
If you have a tv or computer you have heard more than your share of the flu that is wreaking havoc in Mexico City and is making an attempt to threaten more lives outside the borders of Mexico. So what? So what is your response? Does it affect you? Does it even make you think twice about washing your hands or covering your mouth when you cough or sneeze?
At first it didn't really bother me too much and then when I saw my friend wearing a mask at work one morning while he was outside, all by himself working I thought,"This is craziness, a bit of overkill."
I remembered the Sars semi epidemic in China a few years back and all the fear the media raised over it. I remembered the swine flu outbreak, very small, in the 70s. I remembered these because I began seeing people with masks on walking down the street or in places of business. Kind of weirded me out.
I will admit I have watched a ton of news coverage lately due to the pig flu. More than normal. I have read more than my share of internet articles too. Just curious.
But I am trying to not do the one thing that the media and the rest of the world wants, I am trying not to live by fear. I am trying to be wise and use common sense, but I am not going to resign to the fear that drives the media these days.
Anyone remember the year 2000 or what was it Y2K? Remember the overall fear and paranoia during that time? The powers that be had convinced us to be afraid and prepared, but mostly afraid. I never bought into it, maybe you didn't either. I actually did buy some extra drinking water though, about 4 gallons.
There's another crazy thing that is going on in Mexico and has for as long as we have been here, 5 years......the drug war. Many groups will not be coming to Mexico this summer because of the drug war. My guess is many more will not come because of the flu virus. Think about this, mission groups who are supposed to be on mission for God to spread the faith of the gospel, but are too afraid to go.
Maybe we should rewrite the great commission, "Go into all the world unless you git scared.."? Hum, we could rewrite some other verses as well.
At first it didn't really bother me too much and then when I saw my friend wearing a mask at work one morning while he was outside, all by himself working I thought,"This is craziness, a bit of overkill."
I remembered the Sars semi epidemic in China a few years back and all the fear the media raised over it. I remembered the swine flu outbreak, very small, in the 70s. I remembered these because I began seeing people with masks on walking down the street or in places of business. Kind of weirded me out.
I will admit I have watched a ton of news coverage lately due to the pig flu. More than normal. I have read more than my share of internet articles too. Just curious.
But I am trying to not do the one thing that the media and the rest of the world wants, I am trying not to live by fear. I am trying to be wise and use common sense, but I am not going to resign to the fear that drives the media these days.
Anyone remember the year 2000 or what was it Y2K? Remember the overall fear and paranoia during that time? The powers that be had convinced us to be afraid and prepared, but mostly afraid. I never bought into it, maybe you didn't either. I actually did buy some extra drinking water though, about 4 gallons.
There's another crazy thing that is going on in Mexico and has for as long as we have been here, 5 years......the drug war. Many groups will not be coming to Mexico this summer because of the drug war. My guess is many more will not come because of the flu virus. Think about this, mission groups who are supposed to be on mission for God to spread the faith of the gospel, but are too afraid to go.
Maybe we should rewrite the great commission, "Go into all the world unless you git scared.."? Hum, we could rewrite some other verses as well.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
A Quiet God?
Does God still speak to us today? Does the Lord send impressions, dreams, etc. to His people in our times? Or do we have a quiet God?
Most of my Christian life I have struggled with this, wanting to know if God does still speak today and how I can know when it is Him speaking and not me, or the burrito I ate, or the devil. There are times when I sense that I should act in some way or go in some direction. Sometimes I do and the outcome is a huge blessing, I am almost 100% sure it was an impression from the Lord. It is not always a pretty situation when I do.
Once I felt a strong urge to turn away from my original destination and go instead to visit a friend I had not seen in years. I was very puzzled, but I drove to his office. When I arrived at his office his wife was in tears and the whole place had a black cloud hanging over it. As I went back to speak with my friend he unveiled a sad story that his business would close on that very day. I was shocked. I had heard nothing of this at all and had no idea. As he shared more details of the way it had shut down I was even more shocked. After some time I asked if I could pray for him and it was very emotional. After that day I vowed to God that I would pray for my friend and his family.
This whole scene was setup simply by an impression in my spirit that I should turn right down a road going to my friend's office and visit him. I believe it was of God, because my friend needed someone to be a friend, love him, and pray for him that day, and to follow up on him as well.
This is one simple story of mine. I could share quite a few more. Sometimes they are not so dramatic, some are even more powerful. You may think this above story was not such a big deal, however, if you had been there in the office that day and seen the tears in his wife's eyes and heard the pain in his voice my guess is you would think this story is a big deal. It's a deal of God placing me in a place with a friend in need.
I know sometimes Christians get some very strange or weird impressions, dreams and even visions. Some of them perhaps are from God, some maybe from their own minds and spirits and some could possibly be from the devil. I have had a few of those too. I have had a few very bizarre dreams when I knew it was not of God, but a satanic attack. I have had a few that I have thought were of God, but later realized maybe it was of my own will because I was so fixated on something or some pursuit and my vivid imagination pulled it out.
Just because some Christians tell of very bizarre impressions and dreams we should not dismiss all of them. The Bible has something to say about all this, good research yet to be done on this and a lot of digging has been done by a few writers.
A friend and fellow missionary has written some things on discerning how to listen to God. His name is Seth Barnes and he is the director of a mission organization called Adventures in Missions or AIM. There website is www.adventures.org. You should check some of his writings out if you are interested in this subject.
Listening to God should be something Christians make every effort to do daily. It should not be some pursuit we only leave to the holy ones or monks or some other Christians. I honestly believe God wants to speak to us and walk with us in every day life. The question is, 'Are we listening?'
Most of my Christian life I have struggled with this, wanting to know if God does still speak today and how I can know when it is Him speaking and not me, or the burrito I ate, or the devil. There are times when I sense that I should act in some way or go in some direction. Sometimes I do and the outcome is a huge blessing, I am almost 100% sure it was an impression from the Lord. It is not always a pretty situation when I do.
Once I felt a strong urge to turn away from my original destination and go instead to visit a friend I had not seen in years. I was very puzzled, but I drove to his office. When I arrived at his office his wife was in tears and the whole place had a black cloud hanging over it. As I went back to speak with my friend he unveiled a sad story that his business would close on that very day. I was shocked. I had heard nothing of this at all and had no idea. As he shared more details of the way it had shut down I was even more shocked. After some time I asked if I could pray for him and it was very emotional. After that day I vowed to God that I would pray for my friend and his family.
This whole scene was setup simply by an impression in my spirit that I should turn right down a road going to my friend's office and visit him. I believe it was of God, because my friend needed someone to be a friend, love him, and pray for him that day, and to follow up on him as well.
This is one simple story of mine. I could share quite a few more. Sometimes they are not so dramatic, some are even more powerful. You may think this above story was not such a big deal, however, if you had been there in the office that day and seen the tears in his wife's eyes and heard the pain in his voice my guess is you would think this story is a big deal. It's a deal of God placing me in a place with a friend in need.
I know sometimes Christians get some very strange or weird impressions, dreams and even visions. Some of them perhaps are from God, some maybe from their own minds and spirits and some could possibly be from the devil. I have had a few of those too. I have had a few very bizarre dreams when I knew it was not of God, but a satanic attack. I have had a few that I have thought were of God, but later realized maybe it was of my own will because I was so fixated on something or some pursuit and my vivid imagination pulled it out.
Just because some Christians tell of very bizarre impressions and dreams we should not dismiss all of them. The Bible has something to say about all this, good research yet to be done on this and a lot of digging has been done by a few writers.
A friend and fellow missionary has written some things on discerning how to listen to God. His name is Seth Barnes and he is the director of a mission organization called Adventures in Missions or AIM. There website is www.adventures.org. You should check some of his writings out if you are interested in this subject.
Listening to God should be something Christians make every effort to do daily. It should not be some pursuit we only leave to the holy ones or monks or some other Christians. I honestly believe God wants to speak to us and walk with us in every day life. The question is, 'Are we listening?'
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
faith or lunacy
When is faith faith and when is faith lunacy, I mean just plain crazy? I wrestle with this balance. And maybe I fall on the crazy side too often.
Here's one example. Back in the fall of 1997 I took a trip to Mexico City with my 8 year old daugther and a college student to do some light duty mission work, okay, not so light, we taught kids and I preached in a number of churches, by default, if you believe in coincidences. The pastor who defaulted was a pastor I knew and who had broken his leg the week before we got there. Crazy.
Well, here's the faith or lunacy part. I had very little contact with the missionary before we flew to Mexico City. We had mailed letters back and forth to setup the trip. However, here's the lunacy, I never received word that the dates and times I had asked were available. I also never received word that the missionary had gotten my flight info and times. So, I didn't know if we were going to have a ride. Add to this, I had no phone number, just an address. I almost forgot, we were arriving late in the evening, not good planning on my part.
So, there we were in the Mexico City airport, my 8 year old, a student and myself, praying that our ride would show. I never told the two of them of our situation. Why? Finally after about 30 or 40 minutes I saw our chofer, Hermano Gil eating a taco and looking for us. Boy, was I happy!
When I got home I found a piece of mail addressed to me that had arrived after I left for Mexico City, maybe 2 or 3 days after. Guess who it was from? My missionary buddy, Hermano Gil, saying he would pick us up. Crazy or faith?
You decide. I already decided when I got on the airplane in December of 97.
Here's one example. Back in the fall of 1997 I took a trip to Mexico City with my 8 year old daugther and a college student to do some light duty mission work, okay, not so light, we taught kids and I preached in a number of churches, by default, if you believe in coincidences. The pastor who defaulted was a pastor I knew and who had broken his leg the week before we got there. Crazy.
Well, here's the faith or lunacy part. I had very little contact with the missionary before we flew to Mexico City. We had mailed letters back and forth to setup the trip. However, here's the lunacy, I never received word that the dates and times I had asked were available. I also never received word that the missionary had gotten my flight info and times. So, I didn't know if we were going to have a ride. Add to this, I had no phone number, just an address. I almost forgot, we were arriving late in the evening, not good planning on my part.
So, there we were in the Mexico City airport, my 8 year old, a student and myself, praying that our ride would show. I never told the two of them of our situation. Why? Finally after about 30 or 40 minutes I saw our chofer, Hermano Gil eating a taco and looking for us. Boy, was I happy!
When I got home I found a piece of mail addressed to me that had arrived after I left for Mexico City, maybe 2 or 3 days after. Guess who it was from? My missionary buddy, Hermano Gil, saying he would pick us up. Crazy or faith?
You decide. I already decided when I got on the airplane in December of 97.
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